did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
