Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
you made out with another girl for some wings
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
