worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
