Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
my phone needs a breathalizer
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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