I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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