this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize