Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
