From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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