16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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