New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize