I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Michael Bay diarrhea
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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