who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
