I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
