Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
This is the high leading the old right now
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
