spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
