yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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