i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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