the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
