I swear she didn't look like that last week.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
