hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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