WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
