it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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