I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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