hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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