I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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