After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
