It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
