Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize