I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
