i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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