People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
why do cheetos always look like penises
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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