Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
