I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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