Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
