Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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