i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
