he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Less talking, more tequila
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Randomize
