whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
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