ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just forgot I was standing up.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
