I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize