I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
