How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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