Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
