Pappa wants mamma naked
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
