I just made out with a guy for $7.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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