Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
