So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
