You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
