I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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