the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
