I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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