You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
How external is "for external use only"?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
