I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
