he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
