So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Found the puke drawer
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
