I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
