Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
