Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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