booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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