apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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