I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
