Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
