I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize