so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
