My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
