i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
