I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
