You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
