She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
