Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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