Cold hands, warm shart.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
vagina is talking i cant
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
