6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
