he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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