And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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