i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
