The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
