If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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