But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
